White Elephants

The gifts that keep getting given

Happy New Year to all of my readers!

Although the holiday season may be winding down, I thought I’d post this little poem while we still have a few more days to go before the Twelfth Day of Christmas. Besides, I’m fresh out of Lords a-Leaping. My extended family has participated in a White Elephant gift exchange at the annual cousins Christmas party. In years past, I haven’t been an enthusiastic participant; but for the last couple I’ve embraced the spirit of the game.

Thank you, and many blessings to all of you in the year ahead.

White Elephants

Last year I made out great—
walked away with an Alice Cooper clock
that works. Here’s the best part—
It’s cut from an actual record
with the silhouette of Alice rising 
menacingly—kitschily—from the bottom
of the platter. Surely not a genuine Alice LP, 
but real vinyl, grooves and all.

When it was my turn, I stole it 
from my brother-in-law’s wife. 
It had already been stolen twice,
so it was safe. I didn’t hesitate. 
A “No More Mr. Nice Guy” moment.

For the exchange this year,
I’m bringing my A game.
I’ll be careful not to choose 
one of our own things. Rookie mistake!
I’m ready to make off with a prize 
that someone considers jokeworthy, 
but without which life wouldn’t be the same.

And if I wind up with a dud—
say a black sweatshirt embroidered
in mini-bottles of champagne stitched 
in shiny gold and silver thread 
and a size too small—not a problem.

I’ll just hold onto it for next year, 
rewrap it, put it back into play—
one more package to be side-eyed, 
poked at, and poached, with a mixture
of hesitation and a shrug, Why not?